Love
by Atomic Eyes
Summary: She didn't know when she started to think of love in terms of Angel.


**Title:** Love  
**Rating:** PG  
**Character(s):** Buffy Summers  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Angel  
**Prompt:** 17. Love   
**Author's Note:** Post-Chosen & Not Fade Away. I didn't bother mentioning things like the curse or the cookie analogy, heh, yay!

She used to think of love in terms of forever. That was long before she had any real concept of what forever was. Forever was what mortals never had a taste of, she may not have ever actually grasped the concept but she'd definitely thought about it. When you have the kind of life she had you couldn't help but start to contemplate forever; because forever is what he has. She just had now, then and someday; she'd never get a taste of forever. 

_"Forever, That's the whole point."_

Normal girls don't have to worry about if their boyfriends or husbands mean forever because they know they don't have that long. They are comfortable with taking now and then and someday but she wasn't. 

Buffy wasn't sure if wanting forever was healthy when she didn't have forever to give. Was that fair to ask him to love her for his entire existence which could become and eternity if he managed to live that long. The point was he could have forever but she certainly couldn't give it to him.

It used to scare her, when she was at home trying to get her mind out of her Angel-sphere and onto her homework, being loved forever. She had always been a fickle girl and didn't understand what anyone saw in her. Not her best friends, not her watcher and definitely not Angel. How could someone even stand to think of loving her forever?

Her entire existence would be like an iota of time in the scheme of his life, already it was so little and if she lived for a hundred years it still wouldn't take up much of his time. Still when Angel told her forever she knew he meant it.

Her life was never meant to be long, it was just how the cards were drawn and she'd died at 16 and then again at 20. Still when he asked her how long she wanted him to stay she'd meant it.

_"Forever, How does forever work for you?"_

Not that he had, she'd long ago realized that someone hadn't put forever in the cards for her and Angel. It didn't keep her from hoping for a spec of forever, a few moments here and there to tide her over for eternity; heaven had definitely given her a new insight into eternity.

She resigned herself to the fact that they'd had their shot and blown it, or maybe fate had blown it for them, still at night when Dawn was in bed and she was able to let her daily cares aside she dreamed of a day with cookie dough fudge mint ice cream and a black satin shirt she'd sworn she'd seen Angel in on one of her few visits to L.A.

Rome was a beautiful city and it was filled with beautiful men, she even let herself begin to fall for a possibly evil guy and lived her life like she wasn't missing an important part of herself, like she didn't miss a certain souled vampire or two. It was true, she did miss Spike, she missed his quick wit and the way he told her like it was. She may not have loved him the way she should have or the way she loved Angel but she loved him nonetheless. 

Nights seemed colder and she'd often think about love while the Immortal who she'd affectionately dubbed 'Jack' whisked her away on adventures she couldn't enjoy. Eventually she knew love would never be in the cards with Jack and she didn't particularly like wasting her time on this possibly evil guy when there were two others she cared about a lot more.

There was even some time to think about Riley when all was said and done and she regretted not being able to love him but she should have known she couldn't. Maybe everyone was right about her; maybe she did crave the darkness and pain. When she'd been younger she had passion and love and now she just felt used up and dry.

Still when he showed up at her doorstep three years after Sunnydale had become a big crater in the earth she tried to keep those feelings from gnawing at her insides. She missed passion but she didn't like the loss of control that becoming a slave to it entailed.

"Buffy." He said in that breathless tone that always made her heart pound **that much** faster.

"Angel." She replied and remembered that this was always how they greeted each other and the familiarity was a comfort she hadn't indulged in for so long.

She invited him in and they sat in her kitchen talking over two cups of her horribly made coffee and he made a comment that it was even worse than Cordelia's. She had to smile at that, despite the fact that she was well aware of the halfway relationship he and Cordelia had shared.

If you asked her, she wouldn't be able to tell you how she ended up pressed against the wall of the kitchen, Angel's lips against hers and her arms wrapped around his neck so tightly because she was afraid to let go. When he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers she drew in a deep breath.

"How long are you staying?" She asked looking up at him with dark green orbs filled with carefully masked hope.

He smiled at her and brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face, "Forever, Does forever work for you?"

Maybe she still thinks of love in terms of forever, she can't be sure because forever is a very long time. She can't pinpoint when she started thinking of love in terms of Angel, but then again she knows that she's probably always thought of it that way.

Either way, she's ready to give forever a try.


End file.
